Why, How, What – The Marketing Paradigm Most People Get Backward

“Why should I buy your book?”

When I asked the author that question, he immediately told me what his book was about. After a couple of minutes, I asked again. He looked puzzled and said he had already answered me. I told him he had offered a string of whats, but not one clear why. His excitement turned to annoyance as the exchange moved past polite banter. His wife, standing nearby, told him I was trying to help and that he should listen.

The advice was simple: reorder the pitch. Stop leading with what the book is and start with why someone should care. Whats still matter; facts provide foundation and structure. But facts alone rarely inspire, persuade, or compel. A strong why gives them meaning.

I have seen this mistake repeatedly across 40 years in communications, including the last 25 in private equity and as a Senior Advisor at Narrative. Whether someone is selling a policy idea, an investment strategy, a book, or a fund, most arguments start with what. Sometimes the speaker reaches why. Too often, the why is muddled or missing.

Why we default to what

Think of the near-universal question after introducing yourself at a cocktail party: “What do you do?”

A job is a thing, a what: lawyer, lobbyist, legislative assistant, trade association head, communications professional. It is comfortable and easy. And in Washington, DC, it is also utilitarian: an efficient, if crude, way of deciding whether someone is worth your time.

But what can also be dehumanizing. It reduces a person to a degree, role, title, or résumé line. We have all felt the result: the person whose eyes drift over your shoulder, already scanning the room for someone more useful.

I do not suggest asking strangers why they exist. That would move my unconventional approach to life into genuinely weird territory. Instead, I ask what they are excited about outside of work. Family, a recent trip, or a personal project reveals far more about someone’s why than a job title ever could.

The private equity version of the same mistake

Private equity has a major what problem. Sit in on almost any new fund pitch and the first 10 to 15 minutes will focus on the firm doing the pitching: year founded, assets under management, employees, global offices, sectors of expertise, and elite MBAs — facts meant to impress.

The problem is that every major private equity firm has impressive facts. At a certain point, those facts become commodities. More important, the investor would not be in the meeting if the firm’s what had not already passed the smell test.

That makes a what-first pitch a missed opportunity. A compelling pitch should start with the 800-pound gorilla question: Why did investors agree to the meeting? The blunt answer is money. But the more useful answer requires empathy. A pension fund manager may appreciate your team’s pedigree, but she is more interested in whether you grasp the upcoming investment opportunity and whether your firm is positioned to seize it.

This is the logic behind the Why-How-What approach popularized by Simon Sinek. His TED Talk on starting with purpose put into clear words what I had been practicing for decades as a communicator and gave me a better way to explain it to clients and mentees.

• First, tell investors why they agreed to the meeting: there is a compelling investment opportunity.

• Next, explain how your firm is uniquely positioned to identify and capture that opportunity: sector expertise, sourcing advantage, operating discipline, or culture.

• Last, offer the what: the facts about your firm, track record, team, and credentials that reinforce confidence and help close the deal.

How I use the model

I put this approach to work with my second book, Four Billionaires and a Parking Attendant: Success Strategies of the Wealthy, Powerful, and Just Plain Wise. When people ask what the book is about, I start with why they might want to read it: “Do you want to be your best — to be successful, however you define it?” Most people nod. Then I explain the how: “The key is to be curious, humble, and determined.” Only after that do I offer the what: 50 lessons, told through anecdotes, about how to think and behave at your best, drawn from 14 successful people I worked for.

Whether you are selling a book, a policy idea, or a private equity fund, the discipline is the same: start with empathy. Ask why someone would listen in the first place. However impressive your book, firm, or idea may be, the conversation is not really about you. You are helping someone else achieve something that matters to them. Start there, and your what finally has a reason to matter.